Part 4: Self help: A Decade of Wasted Time, Money, and Emotion

Missed part 3? Find it here!

When people share their stories of coming to Christ, it's often a dramatic, one-time event where they fall to their knees, acknowledge Christ as King, and never look back.

For me, it was a couple of major events that led me to empty my bookshelves of prized new-age books and throw them all away.

>>Cognitive Dissonance<<

The first seed was planted when “new age celebrities” like Doreen Virtue and Steven Bancarz shared their Jesus testimonies. It was shocking to see these gurus I'd followed in the New Age radically turn from their careers as New Age teachers to follow Christ, even at the cost of their livelihood.

It made me question, "Wait, what is there to turn away from?" I was so deceived that I thought the New Age wasn't a religion. It was harmless, and I wasn't worshiping other Gods.

From my Catholic upbringing, I never stopped believing in the existence of Jesus. Instead, I began to think he was just a really chill, enlightened dude. I became a "theist," thinking all paths led to God.

Their testimonies planted the seed, and cognitive dissonance set in. I realized I was, in fact, worshiping other Gods.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

Suddenly, it felt fraudulent to say I "believed" in Jesus while participating in practices and rituals that had nothing to do with Christianity.

I didn’t realize it then, but this was the first “Jesus seed” planted in my mind.

>>A Life-Long Friendship Dissolved Overnight<<

Not enough people talk about how traumatic friendship breakups can be.

For many women, hitting rock bottom comes with losing a romantic partner or getting divorced. For me, it was the dissolution of a friendship I'd had since I was three years old.

As someone with low self-esteem from childhood bullying and abuse, I became super reliant on friendships for my sense of self-worth and safety.

Although I'd been best friends with this girl my entire life, the relationship wasn't exactly healthy.

I was highly influenced by her, whether it was enrolling in the Landmark seminar at her urging or getting matching tattoos when we turned 18.

It was the classic narcissistic empath cycle, with me as the shoulder to cry on, the unpaid therapist, and the giver. At the same time, she was the taker, draining my energy and treating me with hostility, cattiness, and disloyalty that I ignored.

In 2019 I attended her birthday, and this time the behavior didn't remain hidden. It was like God had suddenly opened my eyes.

Her mistreatment became so apparent that I couldn't unsee it. The way she talked down to me, the difference in her interactions with her other friends, and even catching her talking about me behind my back all came to light.

I was stunned when I got home that night, not just by her behavior then, but as memories flooded back of all her selfish actions, catty moves, and passive-aggressive remarks throughout our lifetime together.

It wasn't just anger at her; it was disbelief that I'd allowed myself to get treated that way without even fully realizing it or seeing the dynamic for what it was.

Little did I know that this painful realization was just the beginning of a transformative journey. The very next day, a near-death experience would shake me to my core and set me on a path toward a deeper relationship with Christ.

Looking back, I can see how God was already working in my life, opening my eyes to the unhealthy patterns and relationships that were holding me back from fully embracing His love and plan for me.

Stay tuned for the next part of my story, where I'll share how this brush with death became a turning point in my spiritual journey, bringing me closer to Christ than ever before.

Christine